IS THERE A RECIPE FOR RAISE UP A CHILD?

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One morning  in my english class, our teacher asks us about the difference between the rules or ways that we have to raise up a children in each culture and Its comparison with the American’s culture.

I have to declare that It wasn’t an easy assignment due to my scientific mind. I couldn’t take off the idea that I don’t have the enough material to do an objective comparison: I haven’t read enough;  I don’t search  in specialized papers; I don’t interview a representative statistical simple of parents of different cultures, then all I can tell will be just speculation. For this reason,  I have desisted.

However,  in this blog, I have the opportunitie to tell you about an important question I did when my son was born: which is the role of women and men during the child raising?

And when I say child raising, I am referring to all the stages beginning in the moment  when that the mother becomes pregnant. There is a common phrase  that said “The father begins to be father when the child born, no before”. Although a big deal of fathers share some moments with their wives or couple during the pregnancy, they don’t feel the sensation of a child growing in the  belly, as the mother feels.

Huggies, the diaper company  has crossed the barrier of senses developing a device that links the movement of the baby in the pregnant mother’s belly with the father belly. Thus the father using a kind of bandage around his waist can feels and sees how the child is moving inside the mother belly. through different sensors and colors . It is a good example of  how the technology can be a tool for tight the father-child relationship before the baby birth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6ptZGFKXiI

In the next stage, when the child has born, the father can hugs, kiss and feels his baby. This is the moment when the father realize that the new creature is there, in his arms being real. But after that, what is the rol of the father?. “Traditionally, men have worked outside the home and served as the sole breadwinner for the family” [1] , therefore, he has to go to work in less than one, two or three days, depending of the country law. So, the role of the father in the first months is reduced to give the economic support to the family. But is his love, or his time, or his help less important than the mothers ones?

Actually in the globalized society, we suppose the mothers are more important than fathers for the baby, supported by the biological fact that mothers are in charge of  breastfeeding the baby (This will be the next post in this blog. The amazing, magic, and gorgeous act of breastfeeding needs another chapter). However, the needs of the baby is not just eat. During the three or four hours between meals, the baby needs to sleep,  diapering, take a bath, be caress and stimulated. It could be a precious father-baby moment .

Most women complain because their husbands don’t help in home. The women’s lib has incremented the work of women as in the jobs as in the house . In spite of some feminist comments, I consider that part of this situation is related with the power of  women in home. Have you ever wondered if the women let or invite to their husband to make work from home?

One day I saw a woman, doing everything in the house: cooking, cleaning and attending the baby meanwhile her husband Works. At the night she was so tired,  loading all the responsability of the baby care at the same time she was making the home activities.  However, when her husband wanted to bathe their child,  she didn’t let him because she thought he didn’t know how to do it and of sure she does it better than him. Eureka!! That is the reason! We, the women need two things: a)Be the people who knows how the things are done, and b) we want to be needed!!

Reflecting on this fact and trying to cut this historical thread, I change may behavior  inviting my husband to share the everyday moment with our son. I realize that the role of father an mother can be as equal as you want.

Afer that, he became in this type of guys who bath to his son every morning, who knows how to change his diaper, to cook his soups, to play in the park.  I felt a great relief in my dalily activities, and we were more joined. And now, he is proud about him self, because among all coworkers, he is the one that has a unique relationship with his son, knows how he cries, how he eats, how he gets sick, and how was his kisses taste when he was a baby.

For this reason i’m here, studying english, while he can be in Colombia taking care of our son. I trust in him as a good father, He trust me as his wife, and we can grow as a whole family.

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5 thoughts on “IS THERE A RECIPE FOR RAISE UP A CHILD?

  1. Angelica, that’s really a good topic to write about!
    I like when made a comparison between the motherhood feeling starts when she gets pregnant while the father feelings usually starts when he see his first born child and touch him/her or kiss him/her. I was so amazed when I read the “huggies” company when they did their simulation experiment on fathers whose wives are pregnant to adapt the babies movements inside the mother’s belly. How do you feel about that ? would you have you husband do this experiment when it’s possible ?

    • Thank you for take the time and read the text! This experiment is amazing, in fact, that is something I would like to design, because when the science helps to the society to change the way of thinking or improve the relationships, I think we are in the right way. However, I don’t think I will use because I don’t have in mind be mother again. would you use this kind of technology?

  2. I have never thought about when fathers start feeling fathers emotion. It is interesting to notice that they might not feel this great emotion till the baby is born. I am not sure whether fathers in Saudi Arabia have the opportunity to miss work for couple of days if they were new parents. It is great that fathers have the chance to miss work in Colombia .

    • As you, I never had thought about the fathers feeling until I had my son. when you are in a new situation It can be an opportunity to discover or learn about something you don’t imagine already!. For example, Now you can search about the parental license in Saudi Arabia or other places in the world where you would give birth to your baby.

  3. Pingback: What about a mother’s needs? | Psychologymum

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